What More Could You Wish For by Samantha Hoffman

Author:Samantha Hoffman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Twenty

Michael and I started planning our wedding right after the funeral. I was grateful to have a focus, something to fill my time and occupy my mind. There was so much to do, so many details to decide, so many places to visit, so many dresses to try on. I welcomed the busyness of it all. I felt my father watching me, knowing he’d have been happy, pleased that he wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.

Jill and Sophie were both alarmed at the shotgun speed with which our plans progressed.

“Why don’t you slow down a bit, hon,” Sophie suggested. “You don’t have to rush it. It’s not as if you’re pregnant or anything.”

Jill said, “It’s too soon. Dad just died. Maybe you should give yourself some time to deal with that. There’s lots of time to plan a wedding.”

“It’s okay,” I told them. “I understand what you’re saying but I’m all right. Dad would want this; he’d be glad I was going forward with it. And Michael’s been so wonderful. I know he’s the right man for me, the one I should spend my life with. It wasn’t clear to me before, but it is now.”

I had convinced myself completely, pushing my grief to a separate partition in my brain, and if Jill and Sophie weren’t convinced, they were sure that I was. I was fifty years old, after all. So they both backed off and threw themselves into the spirit of planning, wanting to be supportive. Sometimes I think they should have tried harder to talk me out of it, but when I look back on that time I know that no one could have talked me out of anything.

Patrick e-mailed after the funeral with his condolences.

I know it’s not easy. I lost my folks twenty years ago in a car accident. The hardest part was that they were here one day and gone the next. Just like that. Just ripped from my life without any warning.

My heart went out to him. I cried as I read.

You must feel something like that since your dad hadn’t been sick or anything. I guess all we can do is be happy for the time we had with them and keep their memories in our hearts.

My thoughts are with you, Libby.

Love,

Patrick

His words calmed me, as if he’d put his arms around me. It was comforting to know he understood what I was feeling. Love, Patrick, he had said.

Patrick,

Thank you for your kind e-mail. It’s horrible that you lost both your parents at once, and in such a shocking way. It’s unimaginable. I don’t know how you would get through something like that.

Losing my father is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. He’s my hero and such a large part of my heart. I miss him so much. People keep telling me it will get easier but right now I don’t see how. Now it is so raw and difficult and impossible, and I can’t talk about him without crying. Wouldn’t you think at 50 I’d be able to control myself?

Libby

A reply came back almost immediately.

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